Regarding Trans Peoples and Outing Ourselves
- Radical Queer Scholar
- Mar 23, 2018
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 12, 2019
CN: cisnormativity, bioessentialism.
There a number of solid and valid reasons a trans persons need not out themselves.
First thing to understand is that impact is always greater than intent. It doesn't matter what you or anyone means or intends but the impact it has, especially when regarding the oppression and discrimination of marginalized peoples such as trans and queer peoples.
Next, know that everyone is problematic. In this instance, all cis people are problematic as they inherently benefit from the oppressive class they are a part of (cis) and therefore implicitly oppress non cis peoples. Implicit in that we are aware you may not do it intentionally but that you are taught and socialized to do so, to perpetuate that oppression.
Learning to recognize, reconcile, and unpack oppressive and problematic behaviors is something that is uncomfortable. It will involve guilt you'll need to reconcile for yourself. It will be a long and endless process. But again, remember that we all have problematic behaviors we need to unlearn.
What's imperative to understand here is that trans women are women and trans men are men. What makes them not so? Nothing. The idea that trans peoples must out themselves to you inherently holds cissexist and bioessentialist opinions and behaviors.
My placing emphasis the "are" is because a lot of times someone, mainly cis people, demand trans people immediately out themselves is because they are usually arguing that trans people aren't "biologically" the gender they identify as. This simply is not true.
Which brings me to explaining what I mean when I mention cissexism and bioessentialism. Bioessentialism relies on the idea that genitals, chromosomes, and/or other physical characteristics define gender or sex - this is wildly untrue. There are more than two genders and more than two sexes. Anyone could have any arrangement of physical characteristics or genitals and be of any gender.
So why do you need to know immediately? For what purpose? If anyone would possess or express in any variation, then why is it your business? You don't know and you can't assume.
The only instance it may call that you need to know, for example, what is in a person's pants is if you intend to have sex immediately. But again, this is problematic. Because any gender could have anything. And it is incredibly problematic to reduce a person and their gender to their genitals - again, bioessentialism, which, again, is incorrect.
Being unwilling to date a trans person invalidates and undermines their identity and personhood. It's cissexist and it other us/them. We are not "abnormal" nor are we "exotic". Again, a trans woman is a woman and a trans man is a man. If you would date a man, then you would date a trans man.
Weighing someone's "dateability" on their history or their lack of telling you their orientation is two very very different things which holds a lot of different contexts and has me wondering what extent your judgement goes to. And even all of this is not comparable to "would you date a trans person".
Also: a trans person is at massive risk for being harassed, abused, bullied, assaulted, raped, or murdered for immediately outing themselves. So there's that.
To quote a friend, Matty Madhatter:
“Let’s put it simply with a personal example:
Do you actually know if my sex and gender align? You likely don’t know what my actual gender is, what my body is like, or what my sexual orientation is. You might not know my specific culture, religion, age, income level, family structure, or living situation. You don’t know my STI status, my health status, or my mental health status. Even if I were to date you for awhile, you might not yet know all these things. But I HAVE to tell someone I’m trans up front? I don’t have to tell them my gender or my sex but I HAVE to tell them I’m trans?
Food for thought.”
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