Regarding Men and Feminism

CW/TW: toxic masculinity, cisnormativity, heteronormativity, white supremacy, racism, patriarchy, bioessentialism, sexism.

White cis men are not oppressed by the systems (ie. patriarchy, white supremacy) that oppress others, such as but not limited to: women, POC, and gender variants (trans/NB). White cis men can be victims of bigotry and discrimination, they can face lateral violence from the systems of the patriarchy - but they are *not* oppressed. Yes the patriarchy harms everyone. But a white cis man cannot stand beside a woman and claim himself a victim in anywhere near remotely the same way she is.

The oppressed, such as women, are not required to make space for their oppressors and we do not have to be nice to our oppressors - we are not obligated to. The oppressors (such as [white cis] men) have their own responsibility to fight that role and make change themselves.

Toxic masculinity is a symptom of the functions and features of structures such as the patriarchy, yes. Toxic masculinity is a side effect of misogyny and sexism, where masculinity is ranked above femininity and anything feminine is seen as of lesser value. The oppression of fem individuals, and anyone not a white cis man, is just that - oppression. It runs deep, it is systematic, it is insidious, and it is violent. Anyone not a white cis man is considered not to be the default and therefore less.

A white cis man facing toxic masculinity is not dealing with oppression [for being a man], only a symptom of it. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt, I'm not saying it isn't harmful and that they should not be helped or aided. But I am saying that it is not the responsibility of Feminists to help white cis men cope with the structures of oppression that they are a part of. It is a white cis man's responsibility to do that work himself.

It is his job to make his space feminist. It is his job to find help if he needs it. I'm not saying this is easy, I'm not saying it's pain free. I know there are exceptions, there are always exceptions and intersectionalities to this. But it is not the job or responsibility of any Feminist to help him. We have much greater issues to deal with.

Again: toxic masculinity is a symptom. Not the real oppression. Destroy the patriarchy and you take that with it. So I will leave white cis men behind if they will not follow, if they would focus on the hurt of their own selves from their own systems - yes.

Noting that: trans men have privilege as men and they can be active or implicit in transmisogyny, misogynistic machismo, and sexism.

Resources

https://thenib.com/toxic-masculinity - Article/Source CW/TW: sexism, bioessentialism, toxic masculinity, misogyny, suicide, depression, abuse, domestic abuse.

https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/08/masculinity-vs-toxic-masculinity/