Bisexual vs Pansexual, Sapiosexual vs Noetisexual
- Radical Queer Scholar
- Mar 27, 2018
- 2 min read
Updated: Feb 2, 2020
First things first: pansexual is not superior to bisexual. If this phrase or idea is new to you, or it seems wild to think that anyone believes that - I am sorry to inform you that this is a thing and it’s gross (lol). For some, the term pansexual is relatively new to them; we all grew up in different times and different places. So here goes!
Bisexual: generally refers to a person who is attracted to two or more genders, this is to say that they are attracted to people based on gender and gender expression.
Pansexual: generally refers to a person who is attracted to others regardless of gender, meaning that gender identity and expression play little to no part in their attraction to others.
Noting, of course, that for many sexuality is not crystal clear or this specific. For many, sexuality has some fluidity to it and there tends to be exception to the rule(s).
The term sapiosexual, as commonly used, tends to refer to someone who finds intelligence to be the most attractive feature or the reason they are attracted to another. Unfortunately, such thinking as some more hidden roots in ableism. What is ableism? It is when a person is discriminated for their mental/emotional ability and/or physical ability. So let’s break it down.
To judge anyone by their mental ability by academic and social standards is to discriminate anyone who has a disability. It also lends to elitism and classism. Not everyone has the ability or capacity to attend post-secondary institutions, not everyone has the ability or the capacity to be eloquent by a defined standard, not everyone has the resources, many of us have experienced trauma which changes us and our capacities/abilities, many of us are neurodivergent.
I have had it described to me that they find attraction to a person’s mind, to who they are and the way they think, but not wholly by their level of intelligence or intellectual ability - that it is also emotional, personal. While it was proposed that perhaps that maybe they were demisexual, that term didn’t seem to quite fit. So I have proposed this term that I found a while ago:
Content Note and Update: (CW: therapist abuse, emotional manipulation, abuse.) The creator of the term "noetisexual" was created by a persons who is/was a relationship counselor and who misused and abused their position and power. Details on the persons, the people involved, and the incident(s) are protected for safety and comfort of victim-survivors. Please use the term with this knowledge in mind, please remain aware, use the term with caution (and possibly reclamation).
Noetisexual: it’s a mental attraction rather than a purely “intellectual” one. It’s loving the shape of their mental landscape and wanting to explore it. It’s falling in love with the way they think, their unique mental make up. It’s loving their creativity, their ingenuity, their silliness, their humor, their emotional intelligence, the way they use words, the way they make mental space for you in their minds, and more. It’s being attracted to the way their minds work rather than simply one ill-defined facet of it.
Resources
Resources and reading!
I'm not and never have been a relationship counselor. I am a Trauma-Informed Educator, Accountability Counselor, and Embodiement Guide. My accountability statement for the accusations - which was distributed at the SoloPoly Unconference where I was a keynote speaker - is included below. Transparency culture requires better than to gloss over details. You can also find plenty of info on me by just reading my work; I have shared everything openly for many years:
I value agency, integrity, and transparency. I seek to practice being upfront and honest in all my interactions, to be humble in my learning, and to be ethical in my treatment of others. To me, being a person of integrity trumps reputation, power, and social capital.…